I need your vote.

In response to popular demand, I hereby throw my hat into the ring as a candidate for the position of Generous but Supreme World Leader. I have no running mates--no Vice-Supreme Leader--but I do have a platform. I submit it to you here.

As Generous but Supreme World Leader, I vow to improve your lives in the following ways:

1. All television remote control devices will have mute buttons in precisely the same position.

2. The media will stop calling starlet couples by some kind of gross hybrid name. There will be no more Bradjelinas, no more Benifers, no more Vaughnifers.

3. No more dancing mucus on television. This will be central to my campaign.

4. That advertisement for ED meds with the guy throwing the football through the tire hanging from a tree? You've seen it for the last time.

5. Coffee will be universally served in standard sizes. Small, medium, and large. No further adjectives will be allowed.

6. Ice cream trucks will no longer feature bastardized versions of 18th century composers or Broadway showtunes.

7. Arrested Development will be brought back to network television.

8. This will be Barbara Streisand's last tour.

That's pretty much it. I may have to raise taxes to accomplish these worthy goals. Thank you for your support.