How to buy a used car in Brazil, part 2

1. Drive car around in mind-boggling traffic for a few days, and become increasingly uncomfortable with a quite noticeable shimmy, where "shimmy" refers to that nervewracking rattle in the vicinity of the engine. And then there's the matter of it stalling at every stoplight. And no lights in the dashboard. And to add insult to injury, the CD player managed to play one CD, and gave up the ghost.

2. As the used car salesdude did not exactly inspire confidence, take car to seemingly reputable mechanic in posh shop around the corner. Seemingly trustworthy dude puts car up on lift and shows stupid Americans that used car dude fixed the transmission problem with a plastic cable tie. Apparently he couldn't find the twist-ties lying around from his last loaf of bread. Trustworthy dude also describes another essential repair which will prevent the engine from falling out into the street the next time we hit a bump in the road.

3. So, of course the next step is to shell out another wad of cash, again withdrawn in multiple installments from the ATM, to pay for these repairs in more 5 dollar bills.

4. Ah, finally drive car to the beach, a two hour drive on nervewracking roads. Halfway there, car seems to stall out about every 10 minutes on the way. Dig car manual out of glove compartment; of course it's in Portuguese. Also starts making a high pitched but unidentified beeping sound. Refer to manual again. What is Portuguese for "beeping sound that seems to suggest car will self-combust in 5 seconds?"

5. Spend two days at beach discussing how to get home. Finally call Brazilian friend, who dismisses such nonsense with a confident "Oh, that knocking sound? Sounds like the car's going to die when you slow down? That's just Brazilian fuel--it's very dirty! Just put it in neutral and jam your foot on the accelerator!"

6. Take off for home, jamming foot on accelerator every few miles to "clean out the engine." Beeping sound starts up again, and we realize that the Brazilian Citroen will not let us go over 110 KM/hour. Never mind that the speed limit is 120 KM/hr. Nope, surpass 109, and the Citroen gets mad and frantically beeps until you slow down.

7. Almost home! But now, siren beeping and big red lights on dashboard (which now works) that say "STOP!" Car is overheating. Stop every few blocks to let engine cool down until we finally coast into our garage.

8. Resolve to leave car in garage and rent a car for the next trip to the beach...